What connects fisting to s/m? Very simply, it is a power exchange. What elevates it beyond other power exchanges is that a man physically places his life, his very being, in the hand of another man. And whether fisting is part of a larger s/m scene, or an activity in and of itself, its success always boils down to two primary words: trust and surrender.

It involves sexplay that is safe, sane and consensual at the utmost level. As a top, you literally have someone's life in your hands; as a bottom, you have put your life in someone's hands. So the context of your play must be complete trust. You cannot do this otherwise.

It is the ultimate surrender, but at the same time it is a cooperative venture, not just something that a top does to a bottom. It is a convergence of two individuals into a sense of being one, where the top's shape conforms to the bottom's shape, where the bottom lets go of a sense of where he ends and where the top begins, a melding of body, mind and spirit.

I first fisted someone in 1972, and got fisted for the first time in 1973. The intensity of fisting changed the way I think of myself sexually. It merged my sexuality with my spirituality. My experiences in fisting have been some of the highest spiritual times of my life. Through fisting, I discovered the duality of my sexuality, the simultaneous male/femaleness of myself, the coexistence of my yin and yang.

There's something quite awesome that happens in fisting, when someone takes you inside them, or when you accept someone's arm inside yourself. Unless you've done it, you may find it hard to believe.

As a top, you get to witness a miraculous transformation on the bottom's face and a visible glow around him, like an aura, as the two of you are communing. You may see the angelic newborn child as well as the timeless, ageless inner spirit revealed, and at the same time, you are joined together in this intense visceral animal passion. In the throes of ecstasy, a rebirth takes place before your very eyes.

As a fisting bottom, you may experience the thrill of anal orgasm, sometimes with ejaculation, often without erection, having your orgasm just flow out of you. You may experience more intense, more prolonged, multiple orgasms.

In life, we all continually hold our anal sphincters tight, even when we sleep. Our sphincters may never be fully relaxed until we experience being fisted. They're naturally relaxed as infants, but then, as we grow up, we are trained to hold them tense and guarded all the time. And it affects our outward behavior, our outlook on life. So relaxing the sphincter is a way of surrendering to the universe, a letting-go of the ego, allowing ourselves to be ultimately vulnerable.

The emerging popularity of fisting in the s/m scene in the '70s blurred the line between top and bottom, probably more so than any other activity. It triggered a major exception to traditional role-playing, of s/m tops as well as bottoms getting fisted.

The power exchange of fisting is subtle. Even in long-term relationships where partners know each other intimately, there is no real place for blatant or bombastic power trips when engaging in fisting. While the top may present the illusion that he is in charge, there must be a tacit acknowledgment of the union of the partners: They are connected both physically and spiritually, and wherever they are going, they are going there together.

Most fisting players will readily agree that fisting is "mind over matter." True, a bottom's butt needs to be opened up physically. But to get there requires the bottom's mental permission. So initially, the top must establish channels of communication, both verbal and non-verbal, and create an atmosphere of trust that will enable the bottom to let go. The power of psychologically motivating the bottom to want to receive you in him is the key that unlocks the door. From there, one must use a very non-agenda'd, non-aggressive technique to allow the bottom to relax and open up. It should never be forced. It has to come from relaxation.

Breathing is the most critical function to human life, but we tend