"Don't dream it, be it."
Dr. Frank-n-furter, from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show."

When we give ourselves over to something or someone, and we do it with 100% of our attention and intention, the result of that surrender is a complete liberation. You don't just think about what you're feeling, you are right there in it. Your body, heart and soul, not just your mind, are all right there, in the moment, having the experience, feeling it. So many people spend much of their time on this planet in their heads, not really present at where they are. Try to be aware of the moment and be present in it. When we live our lives this way, deliberately choosing what it is we are doing, and owning it, then we get the full satisfaction out of it.

An old guru of mine used to say, "Life is a game in which we choose to make one thing more important than another." So it is with the choices as to how we play. And when we give ourselves over to play, and do so completely, we reap the full benefit of it. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. Whether it's giving a blow-job or a flogging, mummifying or piercing someone, or torturing each other's balls, the object is to immerse ourselves fully, to surrender to it.

"Be careful what you wish for"

We expend an enormous amount of energy and time fantasizing: "What would it be like if I…?" One of the great things about safe-sane-consensual s/m play is the opportunity to safely turn fantasy into reality. Take that stuff that is swirling around in your head, or those demons who continue to haunt you, and find a way to give them power, to bring them to life. Doing this in a safe controlled environment, with a partner you can trust, is what making an s/m-connection is all about.

Write down that fantasy. Talk to your partners an